INSTA-MARRY

is there such a thing? if you meet a girl, and she does or says something, and you just know that she's the ONE.

like if she knows who durrrr is. INSTA
if she describes her weekend "it was crazy, saw some old friends, we went intervention-style"
if she subscribes to chri5784 on youtube and knows when National Treasures basketball drops.
if she walks up to a teenager listening to his ipod with his friends and asks "hey, what are you listening to?"
if i ask her what her favorite disney original movie is, she says "horse sense, and it's not even close.
if i ask her if she has any hidden talents, and she responds "this may sound weird, but i can bend my right index finger back and touch the back of my hand"
if she has a playlist on her ipod called "BEATS" that consists of only club hits.
if she uses the phrase "non zero percent chance" "it's good to have options" "nothing changes if nothing changes" or "fuck kobe"
if i explain my warriors championship futures bet with russell to her, and she replies "that's bet-rape"
if i text her, and she responds "lol u"
if we go on a date, and when the bill comes, i offer to pay, but she says no no, let's split it. no, don't worry, i got it. and she says "fine, let's just credit card-roulette it. come on, let's just gamble" HELLA INSTA, hands down

BRANDNEW

someone asked me: soup, do you eat it or drink it?
i said you eat it. they said drink it. supposedly, if you eat soup, you're americanized, and if you drink soup, you're azn. whatever whatever, i know i'm right, and i can prove it.

so everyone took spanish. if there's a group of 4 girls, and 1 boy, it's a group of boys. if there's 40,000 bitches (jk) in a shopping mall, and i walk in, the mall is filled with guys. i don't make the rules
therefore, for soups, if you eat 50% of the soup, and drink the rest, you would say that you eat the soup. eating owns drinking. eat>drink. if you eat 99% of the soup, but drink the rest, you dun ate the soup. btw, you can't drink bachelor soup, trust me, you eat it

++++++++++++++++
greg, i agree that dwan doesn't owe anyone any money at all, but a very nice gesture. also, i'd still like ivey
i don't quite understand the whole situation. but from what i read, there are 19 other part owners that could be in trouble. i'm not sure why they named lederer and ferguson specifically. but i heard the DOJ complaint named "player owner 1" which a lot of people think is ivey. so, all the big guys are not exactly innocent. should be interesting as other info becomes available. i wouldn't be surprised if guys like ivey, gus hansen, or patrik get named in the mess.

bastards

so sick, it was all a scam?
i was completely shocked when i heard. chris ferguson and howard lederer are legit hard criminals, unbelievable. a global ponzi scheme!!???? to be completely honest from what i've read and heard, it's not a ponzi scheme. a lawyer just called it "like" a ponzi scheme. poker already had a bad connotation, this is worst case scenario. how can poker recover from this. the average american is going to hear this on the 6 o'clock news and associate online poker with a ponzi scheme/scam. this completely ruins my master life plan: trade stock options full time until i'm 35, make as much as i can. then be a part time trader, and part time online/live poker player. by the time i'm 35, odds are, there will be legalized online poker, but the odds just became a bit less favorable. bastards, why fulltiltpoker.com? online poker was a business that literally printed money. look at pokerstars, straight printing money! the only way the money would stop being printed is if you do some dumbass shit like this. crazy to think of all the payment processor delays back in 2009-2010, shady. wow

tom dwan says he will give back all of the money he received from FTP back to the american players. ftp owes US players 150 million, how is he going to split it up? i'd guess he made around 5 mil from FTP. respect to durrrr tho

non zero percent chance

non zero percent chance. i'm not sure why this interests me so much. about 3 months ago, i was eating lunch with a guy i work with and we were talking about the warriors. he's a david lee supporter and is generally very optimistic about the warriors as a franchise. i was telling him how i had bet-raped russell. i told him there is a zero percent chance of the warriors winning a championship in the next 9 years. at the time, i was extremely confident that i was right. i thought, with 100% certainty, that there was a zero percent chance that the warriors would win a championship in the next 9 years. just to clarify, at the time, i thought i knew more about basketball than my co-worker. so when he argued that i was 100% wrong, i just thought to myself that he "just doesn't get it".

now, i understand that i was 100% wrong. during that debate and probably for most of my life, i had a big misunderstanding. i confused highly unlikely with impossible. mindblowingiknow

it’s highly unlikely that i ever play shortstop for the san francisco giants, but you can’t say it’s impossible. there’s a non zero percent chance that I kick it in the backseat with DEV before I die. Everyone keeps telling me that I have no shot with newly single minka Kelly. EVERYONE is wrong

pretty brown hair

so confused. since when do non-married girls wear rings that say "wedding" on it? such bull shit. saw a girl, cute maybe, but looked at the ring on her finger, it said "wedding" on it, then later find out that she's not married.this will make me laugh in 5 years

my new go-to dance move is the bernie. i think i can seriously do it, forget the dougie

bad facebook. i made the mistake of adding a co-worker because he had just got married, and i wanted to see his facebook wedding pictures. so we're "friends". jill writes on my wall and bam, i have a new nickname. thanks! facebook changes things tho, when you meet someone, how do you ask for their last name? they know whats up. btw, what's your last name? oh, why do you ask? oh to be honest, my friends want to creep on your pictures and see what type of music and movies you like, that's all. um yeah, so what is it?

i'm officially obsessed with online daily deals. its bad. today pushed me over the top. livingsocial had a whole Foods daily deal, $10 for $20 credit. amazing. quick ebay check, and a $35 gift card ended for $36. why the fuck would you buy a gift card for more than its face value? anyway, the limit was only 1. i seriously would've bought like 40 if i could. btw, they sold out at 1 million. in 2 days, they are def going to pop up on ebay. and the crazy thing is, if they end around $15, i'm going to buy a few. why not? i benefit. amazonlocal's deal was $30 for $60 credit at this japanese place nearby. the max was 3, but i limited myself and only bought 2. i'm going crazy.
in the past 10 days, i've bought
2 for japanese restaurants. i'll use them, right?
1 whole foods. jackpot! best deal i've seen in a while
2 for this japanese grocery store in stockton, i printed them out for my mom and told her to use them
1 for amoeba music in sf, which is an old school music place that sells dvds/blu rays/cds. dont really buy dvds or cds, but $15 for $30 credit? i gotta live a littl.e
-and the other day i bought one for Cole's Hardware store in SF. $11 for $22. no i will not make out with you. no i dont need anything from a hardware store, but i'll find something useful, maybe a flashlight or a new screwdriver

$5 admishun

i was on ebay and randomly decided to search "groupon". i was slightly surprised to see a decent amount of auctions. there were random groupons from all over the country. then i looked at some completed auctions. jackpot, i saw several auctions for groupon credits ending at huge discounts, which i assume is the same as a gift card. there was a $265 credit that sold for only $174ish. sick, so you buy the groupon credit at a discount on ebay. use that discounted credit to buy groupons. genius, you save money by saving money. whoa!

but i was thinking. a couple months ago, i bought a groupon for a restaurant called Foreign Cinema, costs $25 for $50 worth of value, basically a $50 gift card. why wouldn't this work: i go to the restaurant, creep outside, wait for a couple to walk in. "psh, hey, you, um, look, you're going to spend at least $50 here, fact. so let me help you, i have this groupon, i'll sell it to you for $40. you save $10 on your bill. cool?" let's forget how shady it looks. this SHOULD work. he saves $10. and i make $15. to be honest, he should be willing to spend $49.99 because he still benefits. am i missing something